If You Cannot Commit, Do Not Settle

It pains me to admit that I now fall into the 86% of women who were unmarried and chose to abort their child. I know without a doubt that had I been married and found out I was pregnant the thought of abortion would have never crossed my mind. The conversation between my ex and me about abortion would have never happened. Had we both been truly committed to our relationship, to Christ, and to each other we would have saved ourselves for marriage. My friends, there is a reason why God does not want us to have sex outside of marriage. Abortion is just one of those reasons. God knows mankind better than we do and He knew that outside of a committed relationship, marriage, we could succumb to sin. I am a living example of that. I chose to engage in sex outside of marriage and my acts lead me to become pregnant. Rather than seeking help from my family, a local crisis pregnancy center, or my pastor, I chose to murder my child because I believed that no one would have to know. I could go on living my life as if nothing happened. That this was the best option all because I didn't want to face the consequences of my actions. I'll be the first to admit that my reasons were simply excuses. There is no ground for murder, let alone the murder of an innocent child.

Men, I challenge you to step up. In our world today, being a godly man is hard. You are faced with many challenges, and pressures to conform to what the world says is okay. Now, quite obviously I am not a man and do not fully understand the pressures you face. I have, however, seen firsthand what our abortion did to my ex. It saddens me how much hurt, guilt, shame, and regret that I put my ex through. Yes, he also chose this decision, however, that doesn't exclude me from the role that I played. We are equally guilty of what we had done and we both painfully and regretfully carry the weight of murdering our child. Men, if you are not ready to commit, marry, and raise a family then you are not man enough to be seeking out sex. I say this as gently as I can. My ex was not man enough for me. It pains me that we both fell short and allowed sin to control our lives rather than following Christ.

Women, I challenge you to not settle. I'll be honest. I settled. And it has cost me greatly. I now carry with me great pain and regret because of the choices I made. Not a day goes by that I wish I could do things differently, that I could save myself and my ex from the decisions that we made. Just as men face worldly pressures, so do we as women face many worldly pressures. The pressures to give men what they want, sex. To give ourselves away, rather than save and protect ourselves for the man who will love, cherish, protect, lead, and support us. How many of us want that? I know I do. Ever since I was a litter girl I wanted that kind of man. A godly man, however, both me and my ex allowed the desires of our flesh to destroy our most sacred selves. And now, we are both learning to live our lives with this deep pain and regret.

My friend, I do not want that for you. I do not write this as a condemnation. If you have engaged in sex outside of marriage, I encourage you, today, to stop. Reevaluate that relationship, make the needed adjustments, and if need be, end the relationship. That was what happened between me and my ex. While he was the one to initiate the breakup and I wanted to fight for our relationship, in stepping back and taking the time to truly evaluate and reflect. I am able to see that had we stayed together we would have only continued to live in sin, hurting ourselves and each other even more, and continuing to bury and ignore our greatest hurt and regret, our abortion. Breakups are painful, even if they are mutually agreed upon, however, we learn a lot about ourselves in the process. We grow, we mature, and we can step into something new with great resolve and commitment.

If you have already had an abortion(s), my friend, you no longer need to carry that weight. There is freedom in Christ. Reach out to a trusted friend or family member, a pastor, a mentor, or a local pregnancy center. Find help. There are so many online organizations and communities that are here to support and love you. My friend, you are not bound by your past. In Christ, you are a new creation and the old has passed away and the new has come ( 2 Corinthians 5:17). The Lord does not hold our sins against us if we go to Him and confess. He wants to give you new life, freedom from your sins. My friend, do not let the devil continue his hold over you. Break free today!

To those who are considering abortion, I come to you with grace and understanding. I have been in that position and I can promise you, abortion is not the answer. I know you may be scared, worried, angry, stressed, alone, or feeling you have no other option. It's scary, I know. There are so many unknowns and you wish for everything to just be over. I understand. I wish I could be there to hold you. To offer you comfort in these uncertain times. I wish I could sit with you in this and offer you my listening ear. If you're reading this, it is my prayer that you would reach out. I am not here to place judgment on you. Jesus tells us, let he who is without sin cast the first stone (John 8:7), my friend I am not without sin and so I do not look upon you with judgment or condemnation. I have been in your shoes and I live every day with the pain and regret of aborting my child. I do not want that for you. Do not fall victim to what the world says about abortion, I did, and today I still live with the deep pains of what I've done. Whoever you may be, you are not alone.

Romans 8:1, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

2 Corinthians 5: 17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old is gone, the new is here!"

John 8:7, "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her."

1 John 1: 9, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

Proverbs 28: 13, "Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy."

Psalms 32:5, "Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord." And you forgave the guilt of my sin."

Lord, I thank you for the forgiveness of sins. You sent your one and only Son to die on the cross to take the punishment for our sins. Thank you for that. Lord, I lift up those who are hurting to you. I pray for those who are living in sin. I pray that they would come to you in confession and be freed. Lord, you do not condemn us, rather you are always looking to free and forgive us. Lord, my we turn away from our sins today and live for you. Amen.